words cant explain how much we all miss you! we talk about you all the time. someone always has a new and funny story to tell. you had an impact on everyone you met. i hear certain songs all the time and they remind me of you..something always reminds me of you in some way. we know your always with us but we want you back..to make more memories..i think its about time we get that video out again of you breakin it down ...haha.. i just watch it and laugh.. but sad at the same time. you always were the life of the party...the one to have something nice to say..the one that was always up for anything..the one who had fun no matter what we were doing, where we were at, or who we were with..you were a great friend and i will never forget you. keep watching over us!! love ya girl

"A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown

Today is Memorial Day, but big deal....last year at this time you were having fun out on the islands on the Susquehanna and getting ready to enjoy a day of boating with "Little Hooch"...Your buddies are now enjoying the river today, most likely wishing you were with them.........tell stories about all the good and unforgettable times last summer spend together....i just couldn't get myself together today to go out on Karen's pontoon cause all i would be doing is pretending to have a good time....Toka called also, trying to get me to come out ,but you know that it's not going to be easy for me to do the river this year....to many memories....oh, Ash still  hurting inside,,,i just want you back.....i love you   ^i^

happy mothers day

a pic of the big girl out at paps lol she was funny dippin he chips in ketchup

Summer will soon be here and It's River Time!!!! I really don't know how i'm going to handle it cause just being on the boat, floating around and knowing that last summer was your happiest summer you had in while....It won't be the same ever again ...You had so much fun out on the river with your friends and going to the islands to visit, camp fires, stoo throwing you off the jet ski and the snake in our cabin when you were feeding alexandria her lunch, i thought something was happening to alex and running into the cabin finding you standing on a chair with her, pointing to the floor...it was just a little black snake,,,even Kelese wasn't afraid of it......then when the water snake was swimming towards you,,,the snakes liked you that summer......just looking at all those great photos of you with your Rag Head cover, big, big sun glasses on your face & you tearing up some hard shell crabs...."River Turtle" will be truly missed by those who loved to be with you.....i know everyone will feel a pain in their heart, miss that certain laugh, and miss seeing a beautiful, fun loving girl with a big black thing wrapped aroung her head, just cruising down the river and enjoying life......Be with us on the river cause we need to feel your spirit is with us ...

i thought u'd laugh at this pic too

hey ashley it's been hard noing tht your not here with us anymore..... i miss seeing ur pretty face at the house and u were a good mom to ur baby girl.... i wish i had a mom like u.... you are such a great person and u helped me through a lot...... i love yah girl and i miss you like crazzzzy u will always be in my thoughts and on my mind!!!!!! <33 u always and forever <<33 me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just missing you so damn much and still hurting inside every day....i still can't believe this all happen to you....everything was going so good for you and alexandria,,,your school, just being a great mom and for once, not feeling so much stress & yes,,,seeing your friends again.....you were going to have a great life with your daughter as i did with you....it tears my heart up so much when i see alexandria being herself , talking and playing....she is YOU all over....we will take special care of her and make sure that she will know all about what a good and loving mother you were to her in the 20 months that you gave to her.....she likes to look at all the photos of you especially when you were a little girl.......you are still missed by so many....in my thoughts forever....i love you..^i^

from up at h's pool when u were prego - i know its blurry

hey i made a pic for you to xoxoxox

ash im sure ur seeing whats going on n i know this is gonna be so hard to be alone for those couple weeks keep me company in my dreams please ????? o yea i put some newports at ur spot one for you and one for lizzie i hope you guys liked them i saw the real pretty flowers at ur spot they look really good along with the pic from ur bday  , whoever put that stuff there did a good job it looks beautiful ! i miss u n right now is another time again i wish i could ask u so many questions and get your help i love you

hey ash. hope you enjoyed toni and i's visit to you yesterday. and you got to hear some jayz haha. and i hope you like the flowers we planted. when its nice again we will get more and decorate you space. you got the 2 best landscapers around haha. im sure you know how big alexandria is getting. and everytime i see her and she gives me a hug it feels like you are right there with her hugging me back. she is a wonderful little girl and misses her mommy. i miss you like crazy and so does stoo. she talks about you often to me and it is really bothering her what happened to you. but she is doing awesome and everyday is getting back to her old self. and i know that is in part because you are helping her. please help all of us with our everyday struggles. and help ben get through his rough times. i miss you and cant wait til you visit me in my dreams again.... love ya ashy....

heres a pic of alexandria and morgan and your mom is in the backround.

^i^  ^i^  Ashley,,,,miss you so much ,,,what am I going to do without you here to keep me on my toes......still hurts and think about you all day long....nights are the worst, just trying to sleep, always remembering that night and what went on,,,seeing you at the hospital, lying still....unbelievable..We had Baby Girl last night,,,,,,"H" & Toni came by for a visit,,,hung out for a while & played with Alexandria...She had so much fun with them...."H" gave Alexandria her tubby bath & got her ready for bed too!!!! She misses you ,,,,I try to do what you would do for her ,,, we sing all the songs and dance around the house....She keeps Ed & I busy,,,but we love it.....Alexandria will know how much you loved her , what a great mom you were to her & she will be loved by many.....In the 20 months that she had you as her mommy,,,,you were a wonderful & loving mother.....this we know.....and she will too....i love you forever....

ashley,,,missing you like always, still is really hard not to have you in my life everyday....today would  have been more beautiful if you were here to share it with me and alexandria...i miss our times together, like playing with little hooch, seeing her chase "Milo" around the house and just seeing you with your daughter....remember when you were pregnant with her and would dance to the tune "Don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me" holding your belly and trying to be sexy with your moves....you made so many people in your life smile and laugh at all the things you did and said....never a dull moment with you.....ah ash,,,why did it have to be you....you had a life time of living to go through and it was cut short....it's not right and i will never understand the way life is....alexandria needed a mother in her life and not just for the 20 months that you two shared with each other....it's so wrong that you won't be there for her, to see her grow and experience her journey in life....but i guess you will be with her in faith and love....i have your life story to tell and show her when she gets to understand what happen....i love you....

hey ash well i just heard that song agin "i hope you dance" it makes me cry everytime i hear it , it makes me miss you more and more all the time but i know you, lizzie,carrie,your pap, and my pap all must be having some crazy convo's up there n im sure my pap asked you how camerin is doing since he never saw him please give him a big hugg and kiss for me and tell him i love you and to watch after my nan i know your up there tellin me to quite my whining and everybody is ok but i worry sometimes well i guess i'll leave it at this for today love ya forever and always chels! 

Just wanted to say Happy Birthday!! I am so glad that I spent last year with you on your birthday. I miss you so much girl! I  remember you and Jen had the same Birthday's..and you two would get so excited because you could share that day together! We would plan what we were going to do like two months a head of time! haha. You always planned everything out and were great at it. We would go to the mall to get outfits for whatever was coming up. I miss eating at Cosmos and getting that chicken with the spinach and and those potatoes dish we LOVED! I don' t think we ever went to the mall and didn't eat there. I saw alexandria last weekend. Shes is such a cutie! She was so happy and just smiling the whole time, like you did. It breaks my heart when I see her though becase she is missing the most important thing in her life..you. I know you are watching over though. Happy Birthday Ash..me and Jen will still celebrate for the both of you, don't worry! = )

                   YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART

                    I want you to know
                    that i love you
                    every bit as much today
                    as the day you were born.

                    And though I may not
                    hold you in my arms
                    the way I did then,
                    I always hold you safely
                    in my thoughts
                    and in my heart.

                    HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY
                    I LOVE YOU

your birthday is coming up,,,22,,,just thinking about your birthday bus on your 21 and how many friends and family came along to celebrate the birthday that you just couldn't wait for....never thought in my life, that this would be your last b-day for us to be with you....i'm sure there will be lots of thoughts of you on 2/3/08 and we'll all sing and remember you on that day....still hard to handle some days knowing that you are not here and thinking how alexandria will be when she grows up....i'll see to it that she will know all about  you,,,from all the photo's i have to share with her and don't forget the stories i'll tell her......what times we had together as mother and daughter, and i just feel sad that she will never have those special days with her mommy, but don't worry,,,,alexandria WILL know how much you loved her and just how  well you took care of her...she was the love of your life....i miss you, love you and want you back with me.....